What do you do when you realize you are Wesley Crusher?

I want to preempt this by saying I mean absolutely no ill will or bad sentiment by my use of the moniker Wesley Crusher. In fact in my sense of using that name is that of awareness almost as a Buddhist would call a … awakening. Stay tuned dear reader; I will make sense of this I promise, just bear with me.

I love listening to audio books on my commute to work. I usually stay away from self-help or motivational type books. I tend to prefer fiction. I love the court room drama, cops on the edge, men of action types that seem to get laid at least once per story. I tend to stay away from the self-help or motivational type books usually because they tend to hit home on some reason why I am not the person I should be. Besides all that I have and always will be a geek, been born that way I am afraid. So when I came across the audiobook Just a Geek by Wil Wheaton, I downloaded and put it on the standby on the IPod until I finished with the 2 Jack Reacher novels in front of it. Sure I also downloaded a history book called the Hacker Crackdown that almost jumped in front of Wheaton’s book, but I figured I would give Wil a chapter to interest me and if he didn’t grab my attention then at least I gave him shot. I owed it to the guy because what can I say he lived the dream and got to pilot the starship f*cking Enterprise, being a geeky kid of the 80s, there couldn’t have been a cooler job in the world. Anyway, Wheaton over the years has had a tendency to get a bad rap for his work on Star Trek, which is kinda sad, as he puts in his book is mainly due to writing and directing off the show that were beyond his control. However, true form to trollers on the internet they have a tendency to lay blame on the face in front of them. Kinda like yelling at the ticket counter person at an airport for a plane delay beyond their control, they just unfortunately have the unluckiness of being the only person there to take the abuse much like Wheaton.

So my awareness moment came at listening to Wheaton’s revelation on how he had pursued acting jobs for most of his life because that was his profession. As I listened to the book I understood his transformations to become a writer. He took some time before he realized he had chosen the wrong profession and as a result caused many moments of unhappiness in his life. However, not being ungrateful he understood the significance of the acting opportunities he has had and appreciates the moments that “didn’t suck.” In short, I connected with Just a Geek on a level I didn’t anticipate and for that I am grateful to Wheaton as I realized that I am very much like Wesley Crusher.

I am a geek, in the 80s have had my experience with being into Dungeons and Dragons, comic books, and of course, got my exposure to computers. Computers were enough of hobby that I decided to make a career of it. In most cases I love the analytical thought involved in fixing computers, servers, and networks. Upon resolving difficult problems I had a sense of real accomplishment at fixing or setting up something that no one else in my company had done before. I was a God … in my mind at least. Over the course of my career, I eventually ascended into an IT Supervisory role. This became less of an analytical troubleshooting role but more of a project manager or master chess player, having to figure out which piece (technician) to move at what time. At first this was a new challenge but ultimately further away from the analytical and technical that I was familiar with and my reasons for being in the industry. I have seen those around me that are at lower levels have the technical training opportunities that I once enjoyed and I am thrilled to see them succeed and take on challenges that I did not have. I am now in an area where I don’t get the challenge of work that I once felt and often wonder why I am doing it.

Wheaton describes that he continued to seek out acting opportunities because that is what he was used to, that was his chosen career path. Much like me I am seeking IT Management roles within my organization because that is the next level and what I believe is expected of me. Wheaton eventually came to the conclusion that he was happier writing and while he remembers Wesley Crusher fondly and the memories of working in that arena he discovered his path was that of writing. After listening and assimilating Wil’s candid exposure to his thoughts, I have concluded that much like him I am not doing what I should be and perhaps pursuing a promotion isn’t what I need to be concentrating on. I am Wesley Crusher not knowing that I don’t want to be until now, this should spark future ramblings on this blog as I attempt to find my creative voice.

Not being stupid I will continue with my day job but I am pretty sure I can find passion at writing and if it leads to something bigger and better, then I will have a serious decision about jumping off the bridge (pun intended watch Stand by Me if you didn’t catch that).

Thank you Uncle Willie and if you ever read this, you were awesome in Big Bang Theory.